15 Marriage Thoughts for 15 Years

June 10, 2007 was truly the most beautiful day of my life. My children's birth dates are a very close second but none of those would exist without June 10, our wedding day.

I set out to have the longest wedding day ever since I knew it would be one of the only days of my life with everyone I love in one place (besides my funeral which I won't be able to enjoy ;).

We got married at 3:30pm in our church in Southern California that grew us up in so many profound ways and we danced until 10:30pm at a local Country Club until Dave finally said it might be time to leave so that someone was left to light the sparklers.

I love a good milestone to help me pause and reflect and celebrate. Here are a few of my thoughts and humble advice I should apply 15 years in to this profound and transformative journey...

1) Marry your friend.

Marriage is a long-haul friendship. Real friendship is both exposing and rewarding. Create a friendship where you seek to be known and loved for who you both truly are.

2) Have a mission bigger than yourselves.

Romantic love is fantastic but it will only take you so far. The love of God for each of you and for the world will take you much farther than any dreams only focused on the two of you ever could.

3) Communicate communicate communicate.

Tell your spouse what you adore about them. Tell them the depths of how you are struggling. Trust them enough to share vulnerably.

4) Forgive forgive forgive.

Forgiveness is the act of absorbing the effects of another's wrongdoing. It costs something. But when you know that you have been forgiven for by God (EVERYTHING), it makes it that much easier to extend grace.

5) Date often.

Keep hearing each other, pursuing each other, asking questions and ENJOYING each other.

6) Be honest.

With wisdom and intention, tell each other the truth.

7) Be gentle.

This person is most vulnerable and exposed with you. Be gentle with their heart.

8) Cheer each other on.

It's easy to compete or even envy each other in different seasons. Be each other's biggest fans. When one of you wins, you BOTH win.

9) Having kids might be a bigger transition than marriage itself.

For us, marriage was "easy" and welcoming kids was a much larger adjustment for us both! 4 kids in and we might just be barely figuring it out ;). Pray for us!

10) Fight fair.

I've learned so much from Dave in this area. Fight in a way that makes you better and doesn't do deep damage.

11) Remember that your spouse is not responsible to meet every need you have.

Depend on God. Seek out same gender friendship. Let your spouse off the hook.

12) Laugh at yourself.

Your quirks are annoying. If you can laugh with your spouse about them it will go a LONG way. Ask me how I know ;).

13) Learn Together.

Share things you are learning with each other and bring each other into your interests.

14) Get away to a new setting.

We aim for 2-3x per year. It's never easy. It's ALWAYS worth it!

15) Be teachable.

You can't possibly be an expert at something you've never done before. Keep learning and growing and being open to feedback and correction.

I'd love to hear from those of you past the 15 year mark! What do I need to hear?

In this with you,

Lauren