A month of rest and a reflection

I hope you have been well.

After completing my "core" posts this spring to explain the purpose of this website and blog, it has been good and right to rest and focus on my family and the simplicity of summer. I'm thankful for seasons. We weren't made to run at one pace.

Slowing down often leads to reflection and I wanted to share a theme that has been re-playing in my mind the past month that I hope might encourage you.

The night that Jay (our 4th child) was born 9/20/2020, I was BEYOND ready to be done with pregnancy and to meet this new life. A pandemic pregnancy was an unexpected gift but also mentally and emotionally exhausting as were many aspects of life that year.

As I lay in my bed that night around 11pm, discouraged that I was overdue by several days, I read the Psalms as I had been doing for several weeks.

Psalm 29 was where I "happened to be" and I quite literally laughed out loud when I read verse 9: "the voice of the Lord makes the deer give birth."

A few tears escaped as I was lovingly brought AGAIN to the fact that I was not in control. There was nothing I could do to get myself into labor. Just as there is often nothing I can do to control what I desperately wish that I could.

Within minutes of this reminder and a kind of mental surrender, consistent contractions began. I went downstairs to sort the kid's schoolwork for the next day (because you do weird things when you need to go to the hospital).

All of a sudden I felt what I thought was my water breaking but was instead unexpected bleeding. We called my midwife and she assured me that the best thing was to drive straight to the hospital rather than awaiting an ambulance, so we did.

I can palpably remember thinking "there is nothing I can do to control the outcome of this."

We were maybe a mile or two from our house, driving through the quiet middle of the night roadways when a huge herd of deer (maybe 15-20) ran out in front of our car-- not close enough to be concerning, but rather striking awe and wonder in us.

I had no doubt that the Lord was reminding me: "I have you. I have your baby. You are in the palm of my hand--I am in control of your life."

Peace that I can only describe as unexplainable came over me and permeated the next few hours as we joyfully welcomed Jay into the world.

My favorite part of this story is that ever since that night, more times than I can count these past 2 years, when I have felt overcome with anxiety about something, deer have walked into our yard.

In fact, it has been such a pattern that if I wake up in the morning with dread about something or overwhelm about facing the day ahead, I go downstairs expectant that there will be deer in the yard.

As I look at these lovely, jumpy creatures, I'm most often struck by their vulnerability. They face grave danger often. And quite frankly, they don't always survive it. So the "lesson" to me is not "you will be protected from all harm." The reminder is that God is with the vulnerable. He is in control. He is tender. He does not despise weakness. He works ALL for the good of those who love Him. His presence and care is enough. And it's guaranteed because of His great love for us.

It doesn't matter that I am a counselor or that my husband is a pastor or that we have been followers of Christ for most of our lives.

We need to be REMINDED of truth again and again because we are bombarded with lies and with circumstances that cloud our view.

We have had an intense but clarifying few months and I can't wait to share some fall plans very soon.

In the meantime, I hope you walk away with the tangible, life-changing truth that you are held, seen, known and loved by the One who holds all things together.

In this with you,

Lauren