Caring Well Training Part 2: Building relationships by entering compassionately into suffering

To be human means that we will suffer many times in many different ways during the course of our lives. Sometimes this suffering is brought on by our own choices but most often it is not. It is simply the result of living in a broken, fallen world, waiting for things to be made right as they once were before sin entered the picture.

We talked last month about caring for others by pursing understanding of their hearts so that we see people the way Jesus did— seeing and understanding and loving as we incarnate the love of Christ to them through our words and actions.

One of the most important opportunities to do this is when we encounter the harder parts of someone’s story— the parts that require compassion.

Today, we want to debunk the fears that can arise when we find ourselves attempting to respond to the suffering of another person. I’d like to suggest that entering into another’s suffering with compassion often requires LESS than we think it does.

We do not have to have the perfect words to say.

We do not have to completely understand what they have experienced.

We do not have to have the same suffering in our own lives.

Compassion means to “suffer with” so compassionate care is the act of moving towards the person suffering in order to help them feel less alone and know that they are not alone because of the character and promises of God.

Compassion requires a few things of us.

We do need to move towards people suffering and not pull away out of fear or self-preservation. When something is intense or we don’t understand it, our tendency can be to avoid it but to offer care, we have to move in closer rather than run away.

We do need to ask questions and listen and provide space for the many emotions that come with suffering— even the emotions that can feel more messy and scary— anger, doubt, despair. Suffering is often not pretty or attractive or linear. I’m sure we can recall in our own lives how God has loved us while we are in process and not at a clear arrival point. In compassion

we are entering in to something that is confusing and messy but we simply need to start by offering our presence and not solutions.

We do need to recall how we have received the comfort of God in our own lives and encourage others with the comfort we ourselves have received. This does not mean just reciting verses about being happy in God but really recalling ways God hasmet us in our pain and sustained us in dark times and with discernment, sharing those hopeful reminders with the person in

pain.

Here are a few very practical ways to enter compassionately into another’s suffering.

Colossians 3:12 tells us to put on compassionate hearts of kindness, meekness and patience’s, bearing with each other and forgiving each other just as the Lord has forgiven us. I’d encourage you to spend some time in verses 12-17 which gives a beautiful picture of how these traits bring love and the peace and truth of Christ to a situation and how that is to spread throughout the body of Christ.

As we close, a few cautions in regards to compassionate care of the suffering.

Whenever we step in to help another, we want to make sure that we are not carrying the weight of being the savior to this person. Christ has already accomplished that and we are simply playing our part in His body to meet a need. Let’s consider a few practical ways to avoid burnout or over-committing ourselves and taking on too much.

1) Bring others in to help. While we want to honor the privacy of a person, we should never shoulder another’s burden on our own. Remember that this is an opportunity for other parts of the body to use their gifting in this situation too.

2) Be careful to not over-promise. Take some time to consider what you can/should offer to the person who is suffering. It may not be realistic for you to be available daily so consider what you can commit to before making a promise that is unrealistic.

3) Connect this person to resources. This would be more applicable in an ongoing, longterm situation but there are many support groups (G4 groups), counseling ministries, care teams and even functions of small group ministry designed to help walk people through crises and ongoing suffering. Often a person first just needs a listening ear but in time will need other

forms of ongoing support.

In summary, we want you to understand that just entering in and embodying Christ to each other is what is most required as we come face to face with those who are suffering. You can enter and offer your presence without answers or expertise.

I’d love to encourage each of you to listen to Paige Benton Brown’s sermon entitled “In the Temple” available on Vimeo.com, which thoroughly and explicitly and tangibly explains and reminds each of us that we carry in us the spirit of God that raised Christ himself from the dead so we are empowered to step into each other’s lives with confidence and hope in all seasons.

To hear more in podcast form, send me a message and I'll send it to you!